Team Fortress
by Captain Combat Beard
Summary: The new BLU Scout has just came in, and he has not seen what exactly you can accomplish working together. All characters and places featured belong to VALVe, and other media belong to their respective owners. Incomplete.
1. Chapter 1

A screen dropped over a chalk board, lights dimmed, and a movie began to play. "Welcome, new _insert class here_. We are going to take a briefly long moment

of your time to describe the situation against the BLUs and the REDs before we get to talking about where you're going." The narrator of the movie said.

"Ahem," the Narrator coughed. "At first glance, we both seem like friendly companies to each other. RED, Reliable Evacuation Demolition, is hired to clear

areas for companies to build factories, stores, parking lots, and other things, as well as fueling them. BLU, Builder's League United, builds on top of what the

RED do, as well as being a security company that keeps the world safe. But, there is a hidden secret behind all of this," The Narrator continues, his voice

growing deeper by the moment.

"Back in 1963, we were planning have a party with them. Laugh, tell jokes, and have a good time since we were buddies. Since BLU thought they were

friendly. Moments after our employees mentioned a party, they were attacked by several mercenaries. We were nice to them. We ask them if they want

wine, pop, food, cake and fun, and they answer with lead. Apparently, they're now doing a job for themselves now... The REDs are trying to destroy the

BLUs, and take our supplies, and become an Omnipotent company, and, if they keep on ambushing like they did to us, take over the world. BLU, as a

security company, can't let this happen. At all. Since we know negotiating will not work (we promised them cake), we have to take action and eradicate the

REDs. You, by joining the BLUs, have agreed with the rules of BLU, it's rules of engagement, and it's code of concept. And that you are _NOT_ a RED Spy.

You will learn more about this from the Pyro who will spy check you in 3, 2..."

The new recruit was puffed with a blast of fire before he could grasp the situation. He didn't lit on fire, to his surprise. He opened his mouth to say something,

but the instructor pointed at the screen.

"If you are still alive, you are not a spy, and are officially part of BLU!" The Narrorator cheered. "Ahem, now onto the topic you probably didn't know already.

After your training with other trainees in the Lumberyard and Sawmill, you are classed as: _SCOUT_. Your results from the physical test prove that you are

light weight and fast, but because of your speed, you can't lift heavy weaponry and use your speed to your fullest potential. You will be tested on: _2FORT_,

with BLU company: _B.R.O._, which stands for: _BLU RECRUIT OUTFITTING_. The soldiers here have prepared for your arrival since 2 days after you signed up

for BLU. They will welcome you with open arms... well, at leas the Heavy will. Thank you for helping us help you help us all!" The narrator said as the

slideshow ended, the lights flickered on, and the screen rolled up.

The new BLU was puzzled. "_'Thank you for helping us help you help us all_'? Jeez I don't think that could be any more unnecessarily complicated."

The old woman instructor stood. "Yes, I didn't write this, so why are you complaining to me? Anyway, your transport is right outside. It's the one with the RV.

You should notice him right away."

"Thanks, and bye." The scout said as he dashed out of the room.

"Heh," the woman said as the door slowly shut, sitting down and adjusting a microphone on her desk. "You _won't_ hear the _last_ of _me_."

The Scout rushed outside, to see the RV right in front of him with the engine running.

Scout knocked on the door. "Yello?"

"Hold up..." Said an English-Australian voice from inside the van. The door opened, and an Australian hunter was there at the door. "It's gonna be a long trip

to 2fort. Ya can sleep on the couch."

Scout hopped in and got his first impression:

_Dude's a wackjob_.

He has heads of Dingos and pictures of many other things he had caught in the outback. Those were all expected when he first got a look at the guy. What

he didn't expect was this: A head wearing a red ski mask mounted on the wall. _Seriously what kind of sicko do you have to be to keep some guy's head and_

_feel proud of it like it was a golf trophy or something?_ Scout thought to himself._ A big one no friggin' doubt.  
_  
Eventually, night came, and Scout was getting tired, so he kicked back and fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

When the Scout woke up, it was sunrise. He was in a Mid-American desert, with billboards and gas stations here and there. It was boring, yet kinda cool to stare out into the blankness of the desert. It lost it's luster moments later. Turned on the T.V. to the movie channel. Magnum Force was just about to start. Scout sat back and began to get comfy, but then, unexpected, the driver spoke.

"Boom, headshot." the driver said as he flicked the bobblehead's head, and about a second later, the Magnum force theme started playing.

Scout walked over to behind the passenger seat and looked at him as he talked and the music flew throughout the RV. "A sniper, I guess."

"Sniper's a good job, mate. Tis challingin' work, outta doors... Guarentee ya won't go hungry, 'cause at the end of the day, as long as there's 2 people left on the planet, someone's gonna want someone dead." He said, pointing back to the ski masked skull. "Now I'll be honest with ya, my parents, do NOT care for me."

"Well at least they had feelings..." Scout began. "I mean who mounts someone's head on a w-"

"Feelings? Look mate, ya know who has a lot of feelings? Blokes who'd bludgeon their wife to death, for a GOLF TROPHY. Professionals have standids," Sniper said, pulling out a small notice board with photos of Sniper and his prey. Some were very grotesque, like a Heavy being held by his foot with his brains all over the floor, with Sniper smiling, as if he caught a fish. "Be Polite," he pointed at a picture of a spy with a hole in his back, Sniper holding his hat to his chest. "Be efficient," Sniper pointed at a picture of a row of dead enemies, a soldier, a medic, and a pyro. "And have a plan to kill everyone you meet." Lastly, pointing at a picture of Sniper blowing a hole in a Spy's head, with a medic mask flying off to the side. The music had just did it's ending flourish as Scout looked back up at Sniper. "I'm low on gas, gotta drop by a gas station... and maybe a call to mum..." Sniper told himself.

As Sniper was refilling the gas, Scout was watching the Magnum Force movie. Seeing as there wasn't anything good happening, he peered outside to see what he was doing. He wasn't there filling up the gas. The hose was put back and the gasoline hatch was closed. Either Sniper did it already, or forgot to. He looked over to the phone booth on the telephone pole off to the side.

"Dad I'm a- I not a crazed gunman dad I'm an assassin.... Well the difference bein' one has a job and the other has mental sickness!" Sniper said... or what Scout thought he was saying. "Dad, da- Put mom on the phone."

Seeing as that wasn't at all fun to watch, he got back to watching the movie.

A minute or 2 later and Sniper was back in the RV, and took off from the gas station. By the time the movie was over, Sniper said "We're close to 2fort, hope ya don't wanna watch the credits ta that."

Scout turned off the T.V. and got his things together. His bat, his wooden bat, and his baseball, and put it in his backpack.

Minutes later, they could see a large tunnel opening.

"We're here at the entrance. They'll check the RV for anything suspicious. Just act calm, and maybe they won't burn my van." The Outbacker told Scout.

They drove up to the vehicle checkpoint. Inside was a Pyro.

"'Ello, Pyro. Just bringing the newbie here." Sniper said calmly.

"Pha pha da phada?"

"They shoulda checked before I picked him up. Did they?"

"Yup." Scout said. "And how do you understa-"

"He's been spychecked. If you want to spy check him, feel free to do it a bit later. But please, not in my van. You know what happened last time." Sniper said to the Pyro, ignoring Scout's question.

"Mrph... Hudda, hudda mrph!" Pyro gave them a thumbs up that they were free to pass.

"Thanks!" The Sniper said as he drove as the blockade rose. The came to an underground parking lot which wasn't as jam packed as a super market on Black Friday. It was completely empty besides the 3 other cars, which hardly looked at all different.

Alright. Scout thought. Wonder what these guys'll be like.

They got out of the RV, and headed to the staircase. After a long flieght of stairs, they finally came to a door. It read "Mercenary Dorms".

Scout rushed ahead of Sniper and bolted through the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Scout walked in to see a Black Scottish... Pirate, a Russian heavyweight, a Texan construction worker, and a World War 2 vet. He thought they were a strange bunch, but they were okay with it.

"Ah! Ya here!" The Scottish man said with a slightly drunken slur. "Bit skinny, though."

"Howdy," said the builder.

"Welcome, young private, to war." Said the now obvious non-WWII vet.

The largest man in the group remained quiet.

"Yo." Scout said, to all of them. "This all we got here?

"No. There's anozer Scout, two Pyvros, anozer Engineer, a Medic, two Znipers and a zpy."

"Quite a pack there."

"Yep." Engineer said. "Quite a pack of wolves.

"So, can I meet the team?" Scout asked.

"Sure, I'll show you arou-"

"Let's get started with ME!" Soldier interrupted.

"Wha-" Scout stuttered.

"I am the Soldier around here, as you already know, my battle hardened skill and power will crush things in it's way... Usually Heavies, Engineer buildings, and several other things, from long range. Due to my knowledge of battle from my partake in late WWII, I one of the leaders of this company, beside the Spy and Engineer you see here. Engineer hatches the battle plan, Spy points out things that can force our plan to be improvised, and I make sure you guys fall into your spots with said plan. Here, it's all one hive. One huge bee hive, ready to attack with all it's force. BZZZZZZZ!" Soldier rambled.

"... Well, nice to know who's in charge here..." Scout said, with no real reaction to Soldier's voice imitation of a bee. "Which Engineer though?

"Me." the present Engineer noted.

"Now..." said the very deep voice of the Heavy. "Let me introduce myself."

Scout stared at him as Heavy pulled out a minigun from behind his bunk.

"I am Heavy Weapons Guy... and THIS, is my baby. She ways one-hundred fifty kilograms and fires two-hundred dollar custom tooled cartridges at ten thousand rounds per minute..." the large man boasted with his deep voice. "It costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire this weapon, for TWELVE SECONDS."

Scout's lip almost quivered. By the looks of this guy, he's probably fired a billion dollars.

Heavy leaned in closer to Scout, stared at him, and almost randomly bursted out in laughter.

"BWAHAHAAH, HAHAHA, hehehe no no no, I will not hurt you, my friend. I'll hurt you if you hurt me, though.

Scout was just thinking of what would remain of Scout if he pissed off the guy when Heavy said that. Guy's freaky.

"My role in this team is to eliminate enemy targets that are causing my team trouble. I can blast and push my way to the heart of the enemy's base, and by the time I leave, every single baby I saw in their base, would be DEAD. Sometimes, some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe... Maybe... But I have never met a single person who could outsmart a bullet. And trust me... I have plenty of those."

.... YIKES. Scout thought, "Yikes." Scout repeated out loud.

"Dun't scare the newbie, Heeve." the Scottish said.

"I'm not really scared... I just feel sorry for the enemy team," the 'newbie' said.

"They have Heavies too ya know." Demoman stated. "Ah, but anyway, Let's meet you with the rest of tha team, 'eh?"

"Sure. I'll bite."

Demoman took Scout out of the dorms and through the base.

Demoman walked to the battlements, and introduced Scout to the Sniper. He was a boring person, to be honest, but then again, he could be the most interesting man there, but he just doesn't talk about himself much. He prefers discussing about others. Not really a show off.

The other Engineer was pretty nice. He gave Scout some tips on what he should and shouldn't do, based off of the previous Scouts' performances.

Medic was... well, quiet. He didn't have an opinion on Scout yet, apparently. Boring.

The other Scout was less enthusiastic than the new one, but he was still peppy.

The Scout and the Demoman were walking up to the Intelligence room. Demoman stopped.

"Spy, iz a strange guy, lad. He'z not like any ov us." Demoman said, his drunken slur in his voice from earlier fading. "I'm not zure weather or not he''ll like ye, but eh."

Demoman opened the doors, to see that the Spy was sitting down at the table, reading intelligence the team has gathered.

The Spy looked up to see the new Scout and Demoman, and put the papers down, and stood up.

"Ah, Zcout, I've been waiting." The Spy said with a thick French accent.

"Um, hey." Scout said, almost nervously.

"Vhat? Are you zcared or something?" Spy asked.

The new member took that as a blow.

"I don't know where to begin with you. Do ya even know who ya talkin' to?" Scout retorted.

I should be the one zayin' THAT, Demoman thought.

"Any idea? At all?"

"Basically." Spy said.

"'Basically'? Kind of a big deal. Look:"

Both Demoman and Spy rolled their eyes.

"Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brotha, I hurt people. I'm a force-a-nature. If YOU were from, where I was from, YOU'D be fuckin' DEAD."

"Vell, if YOU'RE a 'Force-a-nature', then I am a NATURAL DISAZTER." Spy said, about to slap Scout for being so cocky.

Suddenly Scout grabbed his moving hand, and maneuvered under it, and grabbed his other arm. Scout then flicked him over in front of him. He had his knee out, but not out far enough to come in contact with Spy's face.

"STOP FIGHTIN'." Demoman shouted.

Scout 'dusted' himself off. "I wasn't gonna, I was just showing him not to talk crap about something he doesn't know.

Spy stood, adjusting his tie. "You know, Zcout, after that zomewhat shocking performance, I would have almozt took that back."

Spy hooked his right leg around Scout's right and gave him an elbow to the upper chest, bringing him down to the ground, with his left hand holding a knife up to his neck.

"Almozt. You ztill have more to learn in hand to hand. Much more."

He got up, flicked the knife back, and walked back to the desk.

"Nize meeting you, Zcout. Better than I had exzpected, but still could use improvement. No hard feelingz." Spy said, before returning to the intel.

Scout got up, rubbing his neck, and left rather hastily.


End file.
